Alone no more

As I wrote this, my family is already on their way to Japan, departing from KLIA at about 11.00 a.m. today. I’m all eager to welcome them here – vacuumed the house, cleaned the toilet and bathroom, put on fresh sheets on futon and pillows, and had already made dinner – we’ll be having nasi ayam tonight. (yes Sabah, do come and visit us some day for a taste of my Nasi Ayam… )

So this is probably going be the last entry while I’m still living all by myself. My routine is going to change a lot after this, especially during the two weeks with my Mak and aunts still around. The truth be told, to some extent, I actually enjoy living alone. It’s kind of nice to have only myself to worry about – and I’m a very simple person. I am not particular or fussy about a lot of things – I cooked simple dishes, I re-cycled my clothes before doing my weekly laundry, I had ample time to study, read, surf the web, blog. It was just me, myself and I who calls all the shots – which is kind of cool, really.

Still, while living alone is not all that bad, I missed my family, especially my son, all the time. I feel guilty for not being there for Huzaifah as I should be. Yes, hubby and I talked on the phone (or PC, via Skype) almost daily. I knew all along what’s going on because I squeezed for every tiniest details from hubby about Huzaifah. But nothing beats being with him in person. I must admit that despite staying alone, I seldom feel lonely because I always have a lot of things to do, to entertain myself or to fill up my time, but that little corner in my heart just kept tugging at me, making me miss my son all the time, no matter what I do to overcome it.

As for hubby coming here, I’ve been warned by most wives – we need times alone, a break from each other every once in a while. Which explains why I’m looking for openings for him to teach. I understand that he needs his time out, he can’t be cocooned inside the house with baby all the time, while I attend class or seminars. He needs his own independence too, so while I don’t think he will earn much from teaching, at least he gets to make his own money. I think he needs that. And of course we’re going to save up for a Playstation – he needs that too. And the internet. I'm thinking of suggesting to him to start his own blog someday.

So, finally, we’ll be together. I don’t anticipate it to be an easy change for both hubby and I. But we’ll manage, insya Allah. We both believe that we should be together as a family, through thick and thin. And if we need to rough it out, roughing it out together will make it more bearable. At least for me, I know that part deep inside my heart will cease tugging. And after staying afar for 6 months, I'm able to appreciate how meaningful it is to be able to be with both hubby and baby.

Yes, living alone had never been all that bad – but given a choice, I’ll always opt to live with loved ones even if it means more duties, more responsibilities and I no longer get to call all the shots.

(By the by, I'll try to update this blog from time to time - when I have both the time and the energy for it ;-))